Let's start with the part where the SEC throws itself a parade.

The SEC made history at the 2026 NFL Draft with 87 selections, breaking the record of 79 that the league set just last year. SEC Twitter immediately erupted with the kind of chest-thumping energy usually reserved for a national title celebration — which, notably, is not something the conference has had occasion to do recently. It's been 1,200 days since the SEC has won a national championship. But hey, participation trophies for everyone, rounds two through seven!

The uncomfortable footnote, the one your Alabama uncle will actively refuse to read: Thursday night's first round was the first time since 2015 that it didn't "just mean more." Just like the last three national championship games, the Big Ten had ten first-rounders compared to the SEC's seven. The SEC had just one player — LSU CB Mansoor Delane — picked in the top ten. In comparison, the Big Ten had four, including the top pick, Fernando Mendoza, and three Ohio State Buckeyes. So the SEC won the bulk discount trophy while Ohio State and Indiana were busy, you know, winning actual football games. Alabama and Texas A&M each had ten players drafted, which is genuinely impressive — though someone should ask Texas A&M how a program with ten future pros managed to score three points in a playoff game. We'll wait.

Meanwhile, the offseason's true main character continues to be Lane Kiffin, a man who treats every press conference like a TED Talk and every tweet like a philosophical grenade. On April 3rd, Kiffin posted to social media: "Most of the people who say they want to change — don't. Not really. They want the feeling of changing. They want the relief that comes after the change. You can do it though one day at a time!!! Be Just Different @LSUfootball." Brother, you spent forty million dollars on portal players and you're out here posting Pinterest quotes. We love it. We hate it. We can't look away.

The hype machine is running at full capacity in Baton Rouge, and not everyone is buying it. Analyst Michael Bratton, known as SEC Mike, raised concerns about Kiffin's LSU squad this spring, saying: "I don't think you can just come in there with a quarterback that hasn't even really participated in spring much, new offensive line, completely new receivers, and just come in here and just be gangbusters on offense... I think LSU is just more hype than substance at this point." The fans disagree, of course. LSU linebacker Davhon Keys made it clear what he expects: "We came here to win the natty," he said as spring drills wrapped up — while Kiffin publicly warned that a $40 million portal class isn't a guarantee of anything. This is the coach versus his own players in a PR battle before a single snap has been taken, and it is extremely on-brand for Baton Rouge.

The Tigers' 2026 schedule opens with Clemson on Sept. 5, then Kiffin's return to Oxford to face Ole Miss on Sept. 19, followed immediately by Texas A&M. November features Alabama, Texas, Tennessee, and Arkansas. Describing that as a "schedule" is like describing a wood chipper as a "fan."

And finally, for anyone who needed a reminder that the SEC does not actually own every blue-chip recruit on planet Earth: five-star defensive end Anthony Sweeney — the No. 3 edge rusher nationally and No. 1 prospect in Maryland — announced his commitment to Texas Tech on Monday. The Red Raiders had to fight off a number of major college football powers, including LSU, which made a late push and hosted Sweeney for a visit in late March. South Carolina also missed out. Texas Tech. The kid picked Texas Tech. Lubbock is lovely this time of year, Lane.