Welcome back to another Tuesday in the SEC, where the coaches are fighting over whether Ole Miss actually hands out diplomas for macrame, a high school junior is the most powerful person in the conference, and Greg Sankey is somewhere in a leather chair laughing at the rest of college football like a Bond villain who has already won.

Let us start with the Steve Sarkisian situation, which has now aged from "bold hot take" into "a man who cannot stop explaining himself." In case you missed it: Sark told USA Today that "all you have to do is take basket weaving and you can get an Ole Miss degree," a comment he made while trying to argue about transfer credit hour inequity, a cause so noble that he absolutely torched it by name-dropping one of the dumbest metaphors in the history of competitive trash talk. Ole Miss went to the SEC office. Stephen A. Smith called it "classless" and "a low damn blow" on national television. And the cherry on top? Analysts immediately pointed out that Sark is coaching Arch Manning — whose grandfather, father, and uncle are all prominent Ole Miss alumni. The man essentially dunked on his own quarterback's family tree. He has since clarified that he "could have used macroeconomics" instead. He also mentioned, unprompted, that he was a sociology major. This did not help him.

Kiffin, meanwhile, is over at LSU pretending his own Vanity Fair interview — where he suggested Oxford felt segregated compared to Baton Rouge — was totally fine and "not calculated." Between Kiffin's diversity comments and Sark's academic jabs, Ole Miss is somehow the most disrespected CFP team in recent memory. Pete Golding should just send both of them a thank-you card. Nothing rallies a fanbase and a recruiting class faster than two richer programs talking down to you.

Now, the most important human in the SEC right now is Kingston Preyear, a 2028 dual-threat quarterback from Alexander City, Alabama, who announced Saturday that his final three schools are Alabama, Florida, and Vanderbilt — all SEC — with a commitment date of July 10. He threw for over 3,000 yards and 34 touchdowns as a high school sophomore. He also plays baseball and basketball and runs track, which is deeply unfair to the rest of us. Rivals analyst Steve Wilfong has already predicted he lands with Alabama, which is the obvious outcome, but the fact that Vanderbilt is in this final three in the year 2026 and nobody is treating it as a sign of the apocalypse tells you everything about how far Clark Lea has moved that program. Alabama, for their part, could use the good news. CBS Sports spent the last week flagging that the Tide have just 11 commits in their 2027 class with quality concerns, noting that "this class looks far less Alabama-like than we're used to seeing." Sure. They've heard that before. They'll finish top five and we'll all feel stupid. But right now, Kalen DeBoer is recruiting like a man who keeps finding parking tickets on a Ferrari — functional, but mildly embarrassing.

And somewhere south of all this: Shane Beamer has publicly admitted he is on the hot seat at South Carolina following a 4-8 season, which is either refreshing honesty or a man who has simply surrendered to the discourse. He went 4-8 and his best win was debatable. The seat is warm. He knows. We know. This is fine.

Finally, the SEC remains the lone holdout on expanding the College Football Playoff to 24 teams. The ACC is in. The Big 12 is in. The Big Ten is in. Greg Sankey says the lack of unanimity "doesn't bother me." Of course it doesn't. Nothing bothers the man. He is constitutionally incapable of being bothered. The SEC will eventually do whatever it wants and everyone else will nod and pretend they had input. It's June. Some teenager from Alexander City is the most powerful person in the sport right now, and the conference is still too busy arguing about basket weaving to notice.