Let's just get the most embarrassing thing out of the way first, because there is a genuine three-way tie for Most Embarrassing Thing and we have to start somewhere.

On Saturday night in Oxford, Lane Kiffin returned to Vaught-Hemingway Stadium for the first time since he bolted Ole Miss — mid-playoff-run, by the way — to coach at LSU. He walked in to a chorus of boos and four-letter words, Ole Miss blasted 'Callin' Baton Rouge' through the speakers as the clock hit zero, and the No. 7 Tigers lost 32-24 to the No. 8 Rebels. Trinidad Chambliss — the quarterback Kiffin reportedly tried to poach for LSU — completed 33 of 48 passes for 363 yards and then personally walked in the game-winning touchdown from 14 yards out. After Sam Leavitt's desperation fourth-down pass deflected off a defender's helmet and into the hands of an Ole Miss defensive back, Kiffin dropped to his knees on the sideline.

Then came the press conference. "I'm a human, too," Kiffin said. He talked about "emotions of gratefulness" for Oxford and the "six years that went well beyond football." He got emotional about his late father. He said he would have felt this way in a win or a loss, which, buddy, you lost — by eight, after blowing a shot to tie it in the fourth — so we are absolutely not doing the 'I would've said this anyway' thing. Ole Miss fans played 'Callin' Baton Rouge' in the stadium. They played it. At him. While he was still there. And he responded by being profoundly gracious about it. I don't know whether to respect it or demand a refund on the beef I was promised.

Meanwhile, in Tuscaloosa, Alabama beat Florida State 50-36 — rallying from a 21-6 first-half deficit after the boo birds came out at Bryant-Denny. Offensive coordinator Ryan Grubb, apparently feeling spicy at his Monday presser, told reporters he'd looked at his linemen and said: "Shoot guys, if you'd have quit as fast as some of your fans, s---, we wouldn't have won that game." The internet predictably went feral. By Monday evening, Grubb had issued a formal apology through the school's NIL account — Yea Alabama — which is the most 2026-college-football sentence I've ever written. At least one local outlet pointed out that fans weren't booing the players or Kalen DeBoer; they were specifically booing Grubb for calling back-to-back screens on third-and-seven. The man picked the fight with his own customer base and lost on points. Alabama is 3-0. Grubb is 0-1 in PR.

And then there's the College GameDay situation, which has grown from 'mildly suspicious' to 'just go ahead and set up a permanent desk in Baton Rouge.' For the fourth consecutive week to open the 2026 season, ESPN's traveling circus is parked on an SEC campus — this Saturday it's Knoxville, for No. 1 Texas against No. 14 Tennessee. Four weeks. Four SEC sites. The Big Ten has won three straight national championships and their cameras got a postcard. A Front Office Sports Instagram post laying out the pattern pulled 14,000 likes and nearly 400 comments. The pro-SEC reply that got 900 likes: 'They've had the best games by far.' Which, frustratingly, is not wrong. The subtext everyone is ignoring: ESPN has a $300 million-per-year deal with the SEC, which is roughly the GDP of a small island nation, and we're all pretending that has no bearing on programming decisions.

Also: Arch Manning wears No. 16 — his Uncle Peyton's retired Tennessee number — and nobody has yet confirmed whether Peyton Manning will sit in the GameDay guest-picker chair Saturday morning while his nephew tries to beat his alma mater at Neyland. If that actually happens, college football will have fully eaten itself and I will feel nothing but peace.

See you Saturday. Try not to boo your own coordinator.