Where do you even start. The SEC this week was less a football conference and more a federal docket with a Gatorade sponsorship.
Let's go chronological. The Lane Kiffin vs. The Entire Southeastern Conference saga — which started when Kiffin decided that NFL training camp invitees Dae'Quan Wright and Zxavian Harris, his old Ole Miss guys, deserved a fifth year of college football at LSU — technically de-escalated this week. SEC presidents had a phone call on Thursday, took zero action, and agreed to "continue discussions," which is conference-speak for we have no idea what to do and a Louisiana state court judge is already laughing at us. A Louisiana judge ruled the SEC flat-out cannot punish member schools for playing these guys, Finebaum went on ESPN and said the conference could "survive without LSU" with the energy of a man who has never once been to Baton Rouge on a Saturday night, and Stephen A. Smith told the entire conference to "sit your a** down" while somehow making the more coherent legal argument. The SEC ultimately backed off expulsion threats after LSU submitted its 105-man roster without the players in question. The lawsuit, however, is still alive. The conference sued one of its own members. In an Alabama federal court. Over a coach nobody has ever meaningfully controlled. Sir, this is a football conference.
Meanwhile, on the field — you know, the thing — Alabama traveled to Lexington and decided to make it interesting in the worst possible way. Keelon Russell opened the game with an intentional grounding penalty, a stuff for a loss, and then a pick-six thrown directly to a defensive lineman. A defensive lineman. The Tide trailed 17-13 at halftime and Kroger Field was shaking like it was 1997, Will Stein's first SEC game was going swimmingly, and half of Twitter had already written DeBoer's obituary. Then the second half happened. Alabama outscored Kentucky 32-0. It was 45-17. The Bama fans who were writing manifestos at halftime are now insufferable again. The Kentucky fans who were already planning the trophy commission are now just... Kentucky fans again. As God intended.
In Austin, Arch Manning erased a 20-point fourth-quarter deficit against No. 1 Ohio State — twenty points, in the fourth quarter — and Texas won 24-23 on a Hollywood Smothers touchdown with 25 seconds left. The comeback was stunning. The postgame interview was something else. Steve Sarkisian, freshly descended from the mountain having just slain the Buckeyes, was buttonholed by ESPN's Holly Rowe on the field. He looked at her, said approximately nine words, threw up the Hook 'em sign, and walked away. Rowe's face went viral faster than the actual play. Texas blamed ESPN's technical difficulties — again, as the same thing happened at halftime — and honestly, the internet doesn't care. The discourse raged all Sunday. Meanwhile, Arch Manning said gracious, mature things in every interview he did. That Manning media training really is generational.
And quietly, Oklahoma lost 17-10 at Michigan, with John Mateer throwing a crucial fourth-quarter interception, and the Sooners' CFP hopes are already being eulogized at 1-1. Oklahoma went from the Big 12 to the SEC to apparently also needing to figure out how to win in the Big Ten. The SEC experience is really working for them.
Missouri also stole Kansas's drum after winning the Border War 38-21, which Eli Drinkwitz called "making sure nothing stupid happens" while watching his players beat a drum they did not own. Drink, my man. That is the stupid happening.
