Saturday was a crime scene and we are all witnesses. Three separate SEC meltdowns in a single afternoon, each one somehow dumber than the last. Let's move.
Lane Kiffin returned to Oxford for the first time since bolting Ole Miss mid-playoff run, and Vaught-Hemingway made sure he felt every molecule of that energy — he was booed walking off the bus. His Tigers clawed back from a 24-7 halftime deficit to tie it at 24-24, which would have been a genuinely redemptive narrative, except Sam Leavitt then threw a game-sealing interception in the end zone on fourth-and-goal from the six-yard line with just over a minute left and Ole Miss won 32-24. The internet reacted with characteristic nuance. "Sam Leavitt genuinely has a career in absolutely nothing," went one viral tweet. Skip Bayless declared Leavitt was "seeing ghosts all night." A 2019 LSU national champion publicly demanded Leavitt never take another snap. Through three games Leavitt has committed at least one turnover per outing and is somehow sitting at five interceptions on the season. He was thoroughly outplayed by Trinidad Chambliss, who went 33-of-48 for 363 yards and had Ole Miss fans debating 2027 NFL Draft position before halftime. And Pete Golding — the man who got this head coaching job almost entirely because Kiffin dipped during a playoff run — is now 5-1 as a head coach with four wins over ranked opponents. Life comes at you fast, Lane.
Meanwhile in College Station, No. 9 Texas A&M hosted Kentucky as a 16.5-point favorite and lost 31-21. The sound you heard was an entire fanbase collectively stress-eating. The architect of the destruction was Kentucky defensive coordinator Jay Bateman, the former A&M defensive coordinator, who returned to Kyle Field with every schematic note he ever took and made Marcel Reed look like he had never seen a defense — 26-of-49, two interceptions, one catastrophic throwaway on a wide-open fourth-and-one bootleg that will haunt Aggieland until the heat death of the universe. Kentucky outgained A&M 196-to-20 yards in the third quarter alone. "They came in here and beat our ass," said coach Mike Elko, who at least had the self-awareness to say it plainly. Texas A&M now travels to Baton Rouge to face an equally embarrassed LSU team. Two wounded conference losers walk into Death Valley; only one walks out feeling slightly less terrible.
And then there is Oklahoma, which beat New Mexico 14-6 and somehow produced the most joyless victory in the history of organized football. The Sooners' own student section was chanting "Fire Arbuckle" — that is offensive coordinator Ben Arbuckle, for those of you with healthier relationships to this sport than I have. OU averaged 1.9 yards per carry against a Mountain West defense. They are ranked 114th nationally in yards per game. They had a full stadium of recruits watching this shambles in real time. One fan on X wrote, "This is a win in a technical sense that we scored more pts than Lobos, but it is not an enjoyable win." Understatement. Next week Oklahoma travels to Athens to play No. 2 Georgia. The Sooners have scored 24 combined points over their last two games. This is going to be extremely hard to watch and I already have a conflict-free calendar block for it.
Ten SEC teams are in the top 25. Whether that is a sign of conference supremacy or evidence the pollsters all share the same group chat, I report, you decide. See you Thursday.
