The 2026 NFL Draft just wrapped, and SEC Twitter did something truly embarrassing: it celebrated. The conference pumped out a record 87 total selections — shattering its own record of 79 from a year ago — and for exactly 72 hours the "It Just Means More" crowd behaved like they had won something. They hadn't. The Big Ten had 10 first-round picks to the SEC's seven, the first time since 2015 that the SEC didn't lead the first round. And in case you'd blocked it out: Michigan, Ohio State, and Indiana have now won three straight national championships. The Big Ten is 11-4 in the CFP since 2023. The SEC is 5-8. But sure. Quantity over quality. Very on brand.
The most embarrassing part is that Paul Finebaum — the conference's own grumpy prophet — went on air and said he wouldn't pick a single SEC team to win the national title in 2026. "I may change my mind," he said, in the tone of a man who absolutely will not change his mind. When your own misery uncle won't bet on you, that's a vibe.
Meanwhile, Alabama responded to the existential dread by throwing money at the problem. Kalen DeBoer got a 7-year, $12.5 million-per-year extension through 2033, meaning the man who oversaw a 35-point Rose Bowl demolition at the hands of Indiana now has a buyout bigger than some SEC schools' entire athletic department budgets. Nick Saban came out and said "I'm happy he's the coach," which is the coaching endorsement equivalent of telling someone their haircut "has a lot going on." Alabama fans responded with characteristic serenity. One posted "Mofo should have been docked in pay." Another just typed "Natty or bust." These are the same people convinced they're losing the portal war while sitting on the sixth-ranked recruiting class in the country. It's performance art and I will not look away.
Over in Baton Rouge, Lane Kiffin is already running the most Kiffin operation imaginable. He flew to Knoxville mid-visit to poach $5 million quarterback Sam Leavitt right out from under Tennessee's nose, locked up a top-five transfer portal class, and then watched his centerpiece QB spend most of spring practice on crutches getting screws pulled out of a surgically repaired foot. Leavitt posted "Small step back for a bigger one forward!! Let's GEAUX!!" which caused LSU fans to briefly spiral before he clarified it was just routine pin removal. When he finally got eight real plays in the spring game, he threw a touchdown on his very first snap. Kiffin called it "a great job." This is the man hired to save a program that — per the SEC message boards — became "the laughing stock of the country" after getting blown out by Texas A&M, then fired its coach and its AD while the governor allegedly weighed in. Now Baton Rouge is spending $12.5 million on Kiffin and $5 million on a guy who was on crutches last Tuesday.
The SEC in May is a different animal. No games are being played. Nobody is calm. Finebaum is dooming, DeBoer is cashing checks, Kiffin is in midseason chaos mode before a single snap has been taken, and every fan account is cope-scrolling the NFL Draft totals like 87 seventh-round picks prove superiority over a school that just won the national championship with the Heisman winner and the No. 1 overall pick. They don't. Indiana has your lunch money and your trophy case. See you in September.
