Let us begin with the NFL Draft discourse, which at this point is just a yearly tradition where SEC Twitter and Big Ten Twitter take turns describing the same set of numbers and reaching completely different conclusions, like two people staring at a Magic Eye poster and one of them is lying.
Here is what actually happened: the Big Ten had 10 first-round picks to the SEC's seven — the first time since 2015 the SEC did not lead Round 1 — and a certain strain of Ohio State fan has not stopped posting about it since Thursday night. And yet, when the full three-day carnage was tallied, the SEC set an all-time record with 87 total draft selections, obliterating its own previous record of 79. So the Big Ten won the highlight reel and the SEC won the spreadsheet, and both conferences immediately declared total victory. College football in 2026 is just two people fistfighting over the same trophy while Indiana's Curt Cignetti watches from a throne made of portal transfers.
Speaking of the SEC getting dragged into court alongside its new conference-war frenemy: Detroit Lions receiver Jameson Williams filed a lawsuit this week against the NCAA, the Big Ten, and the SEC, alleging they misappropriated his name, image, and likeness without compensation. His lawsuit states he received — and I want you to appreciate this word — "zero" in fair compensation while the defendants "continuously financially benefit" from his NIL. Williams, who torched defenses at Ohio State and Alabama before tearing his ACL in the national title game and getting drafted 12th overall, apparently watched NIL money rain from the sky for the next four years and decided he was owed retroactive rent. The lawsuit cites violations of the Sherman Antitrust Act, the Lanham Act, and roughly every other piece of legislation that sounds intimidating in a California filing. If he wins, the floodgates do not open so much as they detonate. Every former college football player who starred before 2021 will be cc'd on the next class action before the ink dries. The SEC did not respond publicly, presumably because its lawyers were busy.
Meanwhile, back in Tuscaloosa, Alabama handed Kalen DeBoer a seven-year extension worth $12.5 million annually — a total of $87.5 million — despite a 20-8 record and a 35-point Rose Bowl shellacking at the hands of Indiana that half the fanbase is still in therapy over. ESPN's Paul Finebaum questioned the wisdom of rewarding a coach who has "lost eight games in his first two seasons." Alabama fans split into two factions: the pragmatists who understand that Michigan and Penn State were circling DeBoer like conference-realignment vultures, and the aggrieved purists who remember when Alabama losing four games in a season was a constitutional crisis.
Nick Saban, basking at the Regions Tradition Celebrity Pro-Am like a man who has completely made peace with his legacy being monetized forever, blessed the deal in the most Saban way imaginable: by reminding everyone that when he left, 26 players transferred and it nearly broke the program. Which is true. And also a very subtle way of reminding you who built the thing DeBoer is being paid $12.5 million to maintain. Classic. The man retired and is still the most interesting person in every room he enters.
Over at LSU, Lane Kiffin — who departed Ole Miss for Baton Rouge like a man fleeing a tab — reportedly dropped $5 million on Arizona State quarterback Sam Leavitt as the crown jewel of his transfer portal class and is now actively trying to flip five-star wide receiver Easton Royal away from Texas, a recruit who is already committed elsewhere. Kiffin at LSU is going to be absolutely unhinged in the best possible way, and SEC fans who thought the conference needed more chaos clearly got their wish wrapped in a $40 million roster budget.
And somewhere in all of this, a 4-star running back from Winnsboro, Louisiana named Trey Martin has five SEC schools in his top six finalists, because of course he does. It is late April. The portal never sleeps. The lawsuits are filed. The bag is secured. The legend is at a golf tournament talking about himself in the third person.
See you tomorrow.
